


Stalker Tendencies

by orphan_account



Category: Johnny's Entertainment, Sexy Zone
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-14
Updated: 2014-09-14
Packaged: 2018-02-17 09:24:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2304755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kento was always watching Fuma from the library window, and Fuma found him creepy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stalker Tendencies

**Author's Note:**

> So, this was supposed to be a *little* High School AU, and it kind of ran away with me and became this monster of a one shot. I apologize to Fuma for making him a jerk, to my readers for making it totally cheesy, and to Meiji Gakuin University for suggesting that they'd give lube away to their freshman XD;;

Fuma’s POV

“Why are we even fighting?!” I called angrily, leaning against the wall behind me and crossing my arms, trying fruitlessly to get some distance between me and my girlfriend in the limited space of the small corner we were hidden in. “I really don’t get what you want from me!”

Sat-Chan was red in the face, if from the wound up emotions or the screaming, I was not sure. Maybe a mix of both. She flipped her hair in an almost violent gesture before returning, so loudly that I feared other people on the school grounds would hear us: “Of course you don’t. Everything is easy for you. You never understand how other people feel around you.”

“Do you want to tell me I am insensitive?!” I demanded incredulous, and she glared. 

“No, but you have commitment phobia!” she called. “Every time someone likes you, you instantly become cold towards them!”

“That’s not true!” I groaned.

“It is!” she insisted. “My friends even warned me before I confessed to you, but I was naive enough to believe I could _change_ you! But I was wrong, nobody can, this is just the way you are!”

“Just because I don’t go around saying ‘I love you’ all the time…” I muttered, and she laughed.

“If it were just that” she muttered. “You have no idea how to show affection. You turn everything into a joke, and it makes your partners feel so insecure about themselves. It is driving me insane!”

“Then why don’t you just break up with me?!” I demanded. “ _You_ were the one confessing to me, after all! I am not going to stop you!”

“... And this is exactly the problem” she whispered. “One day, you will hurt someone you _really_ like with these kind of words, and then you will regret it. In fact, I hope you will, because you deserve it!”

I just rolled my eyes and threw a pointed look at the clock. 

“Is that all?” I asked. “I will be late for Baseball practice…”

“Yeah, that’s all!” she spat. “Just go already, and don’t you dare calling me again!”

“Was not planning on it!” I glared, pushing myself off the wall and past her. 

I must have looked as angry as I felt, because when I arrived in the dressing room, Juri and Yasui took one good look at me before enquiring, both at the same time: “Did you break up with Sat-Chan?”

I only huffed as I dropped my bag on the bench and started to search for my sports clothes, and it seemed to be enough of an answer for them.

“3 weeks” Juri nodded in acknowledgement. “That is more than Risa-Chan before that.”

“But less than Natsu-Chan before _that_ ” Yasui frowned. “If only by maybe 5 days, but she almost made it a month back then, I think.”

“Can you stop counting my ex-girlfriends up and down like that?!” I complained as I quickly shrugged out of my shirt, noticing how our team mates were already making their way outside. “It is really annoying!”

“But your love life is almost as interesting as Koki’s” Juri grinned, and I made a face, not taking being compared to Juri’s older brother as a compliment, at least not when it came to his taste in women. 

“She said I have commitment phobia” I told them, fighting to get into my pants. 

“Maybe you do” Yasui shrugged, looking at him contemplatively. “You seem to have no interest whatsoever in all the girls that ask you out, even if you go along with it for a while.”

“Shut up!” I hissed. “It’s not that I don’t care, I am just no good with that romance shit!”

“You never seem particularly hurt, either, when they break up with you” Yasui pointed out. “Which in my book means ‘not caring’.”

I was about to return something, but then the captain was calling us from the pitch and I cursed under my breath, quickly getting into my shoes and hurrying after the others. 

I tried to tune out their side heaps while we were warming up, almost missing it when they actually switched to more important topics. 

“Fuma, did you already read that chapter we need to present in English class next week?” Juri asked, and when I only blinked in confusion, Shoki hit me in the back of my head. 

“I told you he’d forget it” he murmured. “Did you even get the book yet?!”

“I… was busy” I groaned, rubbing the sore point on my scalp with a glare. “I will get it today after practice, I swear.”

“There should still be a copy in the library” Hokuto pointed out helpfully, and I made a face before carefully glancing up at the library window across the baseball court. 

I was not even surprised when my gaze was immediately met by a familiar figure sitting at a table right in front of it, visibly jerking as our eyes met and turning back to the book in his hand. I allowed myself to take in the boy’s profile for another moment, the dark hair falling into his face and the thick-rimmed glasses almost falling off his nose with how low he had bowed his head, as if he was trying to make himself invisible by curling in on himself. 

I only looked up when I heard Yasui chuckle next to me, turning to face him just in time to catch him roll his eyes.

“Don’t make a face like he is going to eat you once you set foot into the library” Yasui teased. “Nakajima is harmless, I told you a thousand times!”

“He creeps me out” I groaned defensively. “I swear he keeps watching me every time we train!”

“Maybe he is just watching the practice” Yasui rolled his eyes. “Don’t be so full of yourself! He is up there to study because he is a little two goody shoes. He is low-key and doesn’t talk much with anyone, but he seems nice enough, so stop freaking out.”

“Just because you’re in the same class doesn’t mean you know him” I murmured, pursing my lips. “He could be planning mass murders from up there, for all you know.”

“Yeah, because those love novels he has hidden under his desk scream ‘danger’” Yasui scoffed. “My judgement of people has never failed me, okay, so chill.”

“Fine, Senpai” I said sarcastically, and Yasui just snorted. 

***

When I really made my way up to the library after practice, Nakajima Kento was still there, sitting at the same spot I always had seen him watching me from, wide eyes blinking at me like he was seeing a ghost when I entered the room.

I made a grimace and nodded once, quickly ducking behind the shelves and out of his sight. 

All I wanted was to just grab the book and leave, but as I kept looking through the novels section, I seemed to be unable to find it. I cursed under my breath, considering my options. I knew that the only person in here to ask for help was actually Nakajima, but everything inside me fought against the idea of talking to him, despite Yasui’s reassurance.

I knew that the other option was walking out of here without a book and having Shoki behead me, though, so I grudgingly made my way through the shelves until I reached the table Nakajima was sitting at. 

“Hey” I said lamely, trying to smile as Nakajima’s big brown eyes settled on me, as if he was not quite sure I was actually talking to him. As if anyone else was there in the room with us. “I kinda need your help. I can’t find a book I am searching for.”

“Which book?” Nakajima asked, hesitantly getting to his feet, everything from his slightly ducked pose to the way his eyes kept searching mine but averting immediately once he found them screaming nervousness, and I had to suppress an impatient sigh.

“Shakespeare’s ‘Romeo and Juliet’” I answered instead.

“That should be sorted under the historic works” Nakajima murmured, walking towards the other end of the library, and I followed him slowly, keeping a good distance between us. 

When I finally reached Nakajima, he already had the book in hand, holding it out to me tentatively.

“Thank you” I nodded awkwardly, taking it and looking at it with distaste. Well, at least it seemed short. 

“My name is Nakajima Kento.”

I blinked at the sudden words, looking up to see Nakajima’s flushed but weirdly determined face.

“I know” I blurted out, clearing my throat as Nakajima seemed confused at that response. “I mean, I always see you at the window from the baseball court. I am Kikuchi Fuma.”

“Oh” Nakajima said softly, and he was fumbling with the blazer of his school uniform before murmuring: “I kind of… always wanted to talk to you, so…”

I looked to the door desperately, trying hard to think of a way to flee as quickly as possible. I had a feeling where this was going, and I had no interest in listening to it whatsoever. 

“Sorry, I really need to get home, my Mum is waiting for me to babysit my sister” I lied, waving at Nakajima with the book and taking a step back at the same time. “See you around!”

Before Nakajima could even return something, I had already hurried for the door.

***

For the rest of the week, I managed to stay away from Nakajima. There were a few times when I passed him in the hallway, but I was always surrounded by people, so even when he tried to catch my gaze, I had an excuse to pretend to not notice. 

I knew, though, that I most probably had to face him when returning the book, so I put it off for almost two weeks, when the school year was almost done and I knew I would get in trouble for keeping it over the holiday week. 

It was no surprise that Nakajima was there when I entered the library (it seemed like he never really left), and I just smiled shortly at him in greeting before ducking behind the shelves, quickly dropping the book off in the general direction Nakajima had taken it from in the first place. 

When I made my way back to the door, I was stopped by Nakajima’s shaky voice.

“Did you like the book?”

I took a deep breath, sighing in defeat before turning around to face him. He was sitting on the same place near the window, book in front of him closed, clinging to it as if it was his lifeline, and I would have maybe felt sorry for making him so nervous, if I wasn’t so freaked out by his behavior myself. 

“To be honest, I just read the chapter I was assigned to and got the summary for the rest from the internet” I murmured. “I don’t like reading, and especially not in English.”

“Oh, I see” Nakajima said softly. “Yeah, I mean, you seem more like the active type. I always see you out on the baseball court.”

“Yeah… I always… see you watching” I said awkwardly, seeing Nakajima blush at my words. 

“... It seems fun” Nakajima said apologetically. “It sometimes distracts me from studying.”

“Hm” I just said noncommittally, and we fell into a tensed silence. Just when I found the nerve to excuse myself, Nakajima abruptly got to his feet, stunning me. His face was red and his fists were balled and I automatically took a step back at his expression.

“This might seem weird to you” Nakajima brought out with a shaky voice. “We never even talked to each other until recently, but I am graduating in a few days, and I just… did not want to leave without telling you.” He took a deep breath, before finally meeting my eyes. He looked kind of scared, making me avert my gaze because the emotions in those brown orbs were straining to look at. “I like you.” he finally continued, like I had known he would. “I have been watching you for almost two years now, and I just…”

“Can you please stop?” I interrupted him, making a face. “I’ve heard enough confessions by now, I know the drill of it.” Nakajima blinked in confusion at that, but I just said quickly: “I don’t know how you got the impression, but I am not into guys, and to be honest, I find you really creepy. So let’s just stop this right here, okay. I am not interested.”

Kento did not answer, and against my better judgement, I let my gaze brush over his face for a short moment - he seemed frozen, his mouth still opened mid-sentence, his eyes wide and his skin suddenly pale. I could not bring myself to keep looking, so I quickly turned around and made my way out of the library.

I could not shake off the weirdly tight feeling in my chest as I made my way out of the school building. I had turned down or broken up with countless girls before, I reminded myself. I was used to it. And it was not like I had been wrong with what I had said, even if it had probably been harsh to hear for Nakajima. But well, had he seriously expected for me to not turn him down?! He could not have been that delusional, could he?!

Carefully, I looked up at the library window as I headed for the school gates, freezing as I found Nakajima easily. He had fallen back onto his chair and taken off his glasses, looking down as slow tears ran over his cheeks. 

I quickly turned around and left, telling myself that it could not be helped, but the tears stayed engraved to my memory for the rest of the day, and even for the days after. 

***

I had not expected having to face Nakajima once more until the school year ended, so I was a little stunned when I was cornered by him on the very last day. 

The graduation ceremony had ended over an hour ago and I had just gone back into the class to collect some stuff when suddenly, he was right in front of me. I had needed a moment to recognize him - he was not wearing his glasses, and without them, his features somehow looked softer, making me stare at him almost as if in trance before he started talking, pulling me back to reality. 

“I have something to tell you” he said, his voice steady and his tone determined. So different than everything I had heard out of his mouth before. I was going to say something, to tell him that he had already confessed so we did not need to go there again, but I was cut off with a sharp: “And you are just going to listen and won’t interrupt!”

My mouth fell closed again and I just continued to stare at him, my heart beat picking up a tiny bit, though I had no idea why. 

“I know that you are popular and that you probably get confessions twice a month” Nakajima started, his jaw set. “And I know that I am a no one to you, and that my feelings probably make you uncomfortable. But still, there was no reason to talk to me like that.”

I opened my mouth again to protest, immediately defensive, never able to deal with criticism as well as I should, but Nakajima did not let me speak. 

“It was cruel and arrogant and nothing like I had led myself into thinking you were! I did not even expect anything when I confessed to you, I just… I had watched you for so long that I didn’t like the thought of my feelings going to waste. Because love is a positive emotion, and even if you couldn’t return it, I wanted you to know that there were people out there who cared about you. Not about your looks and your reputation, but about who you are when people are _not_ looking at you. When you are just fooling around with your friends and getting excited over childish things. I fell for _that_ Kikuchi Fuma, not the one all the girls are gushing about in the corridors every day. And surely not the one I got to talk to.”

I felt numb, and almost a little dizzy, as I kept staring at that guy in front of me, that guy who I had barely talked to but who seemed to know exactly what to say to hit me deeper than any of the girls I had ever gone out with. My heart was racing and I felt a little shivery as he continued. 

“No matter who it is that is confessing to you, you don’t have the right to treat their feelings like this. To take them for granted, or make them seem like a nuisance. You are not better than me, or any of the girls that you keep wasting your time with, and it’s time that you get down from your high horse and consider the feelings of the people around you.”

There was basically nothing much different about Nakajima’s words from what my ex-girlfriends had preached me countless times, but still, somehow, they were sharper. Cut deeper, reached me in a way I had not expected them to. 

I was desperately trying to find my voice again, but before I had managed to, Nakajima had already taken a step away from me. 

“That… was all I wanted to say” he finished, nodding once, his gaze piercing into me. “I know it was probably no use and you couldn’t care less about what a ‘creepy guy’ like me thinks about you, but… I am done keeping silent. I want to make an effort to change, and somehow, I felt like this was the first step.” He took a deep breath before saying, more softly now: “Goodbye.”

It were his last words to me before he turned around and left, both the school, and my life. 

***

No matter what I did, I was unable to shake off Nakajima’s words. I kept pondering about them, and the more I did, the more I noticed how right he had been. 

I had not even been aware of how arrogant and full of myself I had acted until Nakajima had spelled it out for me. I had not cared about who I was hurting with my behavior, and especially, I had not cared about Nakajima’s feelings. 

I had always found him creepy, shying away from the idea of a guy having feelings for me, especially someone like Nakajima, who had been so different from me that it had felt like we were coming from two different planets. 

But in the end, Nakajima Kento was just a boy, just like me, and what he had said about me, he had meant it. He had really cared about me, and thinking about it made me shivery because I had never felt that kind of affection from any of my exes. 

Dating had always been something like a status symbol. It had been about looks and expensive dates and valentines presents and I had quickly grown tired of it every time. But Nakajima had had nothing like this in mind. He had not even expected anything of me, had just wanted to tell me that he cared, and even though I had not known that I needed to hear it, maybe I did. But instead of appreciating it like I should have, I had torn him into pieces for it, and I could not remember ever having felt so guilty about anything in my life. 

I wanted to apologize. Wanted to change Nakajima’s opinion of me again, wanted to show him that I could be the guy he had fallen in love with. I was not sure why - I did not even know him that well, and had never had any interest to change that before - but now, the desire to see the person behind those big glasses and that nervous fumbling was almost unbearable. 

But I knew that now, it was too late, technically. Nakajima had graduated, and school had been the only connection I had had to him. There was no way for me to see him again. 

I knew that I should just forget about it, learn from the experience and move on, but somehow, I couldn’t. Nakajima kept popping up in my thoughts and my dreams, and before I knew it, I found myself as obsessed with him as I had always imagined that he was with me, and it made me feel pathetic and helpless. 

It was two weeks into the new school year that I finally gave in and searched out Yasui. He seemed surprised to see me at his doorstep; even though we had become friends over the time we had played in a team together, I had only been over to his place one or two times in the two years I had known him. It did not seem to help that I was gloomy and nervous, barely participating in the conversation he started until he finally frowned and asked: “Fuma, why are you here? You look like you have something on your mind.”

I took a deep breath, trying to find words. This was new. It had never been me who was hung up on anyone, and especially not on a guy, a guy I barely knew. This was more than a little embarrassing for me. But I knew that, if I ever wanted to move past this, I had to see Nakajima again, and my only hope of finding him was probably Yasui. 

“Do you have any contact information of Nakajima Kento?” I asked finally, my voice quiet, and Yasui blinked at me in confusion, watching my face.

“No” he frowned. “I told you, he was pretty low-key and never talked to anyone… It’s not like we invited him to karaoke after class or something.”

“So you don’t know anything? Address, mail, phone number, university… _anything_?!” I insisted, making Yasui’s frown deepen.

“No” he repeated. “And I don’t know anyone who could know either… But why do you want to get into contact with him? I thought he creeped you out?”

“He did” I agreed, making a face. “But I think I was wrong about him… and many other things… so I want to apologize.”

Yasui was still watching me, and finally, he narrowed his eyes, enquiring in a harsh voice: “What did you do now, Fuma?!”

All of my senses tickled to defend myself, but I knew that the accusatory tone in Yasui’s voice was justified, so I just bit my lip before admitting: “He confessed to me, and I… said some things I shouldn’t have. And now I feel bad.”

Yasui made a face, and there was a long silence between us before he finally murmured: “Do you really think it’s a good idea to face him, then? If you turned him down, he probably just wants to forget about it. I mean, an apology will make you feel better, but not him. So why not just leave him alone?”

“You don’t understand” I said vehemently, standing up to pace the room. “Ever since he said all those things to me, I can’t stop thinking about him! It’s driving me insane!”

“Fuma, you are not making any sense” Yasui blinked. 

“I don’t understand it either!” I groaned. “It’s just… I _need_ to see him, and find out why I can’t get him out of my head. I feel like I am missing something big here, something important, and… I just _need_ to see him, please.”

“Do you know how you are sounding, Fuma?” Yasui murmured, seeming stunned. “You sound like you are in love with him.”

I did not look at him, instead focusing a paper that was almost falling from his desk on the other side of the room, feeling strangely like I was lingering on an edge myself. 

“Maybe I am?” I whispered. “I don’t know. I never felt like this before.”

The silence was back, so loud in my ears that I wanted to flee from it, flee from Yasui and reality and myself. When Yasui spoke up again, his voice was gentle, and that alone told me that he was not judging me, and I was thankful for that.

“I really wished I could help you, Fuma” he murmured. “But I don’t know anything about him. I can try asking around, but I really doubt any of my friends know, either. I am sorry.”

I nodded, letting myself fall back onto his bed again. I had never felt more like crying than in this very moment. 

***

The situation did not change much for the next 3 weeks. If anything, I kept drowning even further in my own identity crisis, so much that even Juri, Shoki and Hokuto began asking what was wrong with me, but I always shrugged it off. I had no idea how to explain what was going on with me, and the conversation with Yasui had been difficult enough. I was not ready to tell anyone else. 

I was a little stunned when Yasui turned up at our baseball practice, but when he just kept chatting with everyone else, I figured that he just felt like seeing his high school friends again. My conclusion proved as wrong, though, when after practice, Yasui caught me on my way out of the dressing room, quietly accompanying me outside.

“I came because I wanted to talk to you” he finally started when we were alone, having left everyone else behind. “I have news for you. About Nakajima.”

My face turned to him so quickly that it made my neck hurt, and I made a face as I rubbed the sore spot, making Yasui snort and murmur: “Man, you really got it bad, don’t you?”

“Shut up” I hissed. “Do you know where I can find him?!”

“I met our old home room teacher by chance yesterday” he explained. “And we were chatting a little, so I asked him if he knew which university Nakajima went to. I made up some story about still having a book I needed to return to him. He told me that he enrolled in Social Studies at the Meiji Gakuin University. That was all I could find out, sorry.”

“That is something to start with, though” I murmured, suddenly excited. “Maybe I can somehow find out where and when he has classes and search for him, and…”

“You are kind of being a creep now yourself, you know” Yasui noted with a smirk. “It’s funny, after you complained so much about Nakajima in the first place.”

“Seriously, shut up!” I groaned, embarrassed at his words. “If I don’t go find Nakajima as soon as possible, I swear I will go insane! You don’t understand!”

“No I don’t” Yasui nodded. “But it’s the first time I see you so serious about someone or something, and I think that’s good for you. It makes you grow up.”

I gulped at that, and Yasui patted my shoulder.

“Good luck with finding him” he smiled. “And don’t fuck it up this time!”

I rolled my eyes, inwardly hoping that really, I wouldn’t.

***

It took me two sleepless nights until I finally found out which courses Nakajima was most likely to have, and where and when they took place. Some were seminars in varying timeslots and I had no way of finding out which group he belonged to, and some of the courses were held at Yokohama Campus, and there was no way I could make it in time there after school. But there were two lectures at the Tokyo Campus that seemed to be mandatory for all Social Studies freshmen, and one of them was actually in the late afternoon, giving me enough time to go there after school.

I was barely able to concentrate all day until I was sitting in the train to Nakajima’s university, and even then, I felt like I was going out of my mind. I had no idea what I was going to say to Nakajima when I found him. I even doubted that he wanted to see me. Maybe he would ignore me and flee like I had tried to flee from him before. Turn me down as coldly as I had turned him down. And I could not even blame him if he did, because I knew I’d deserve it. 

But I also knew that, if I ever wanted answers, I had no choice but face him. So I forced myself out at the right station and onto the campus until I found the huge auditorium Nakajima’s lecture was supposed to be held in.

I waited for almost half an hour in front of the entrance until the door opened and the first students came out. I felt everyone’s eyes on me as they passed, and I knew that I stood out with my school uniform in the middle of all those university students, feeling a little silly but trying not to ponder about it as I kept searching for Nakajima. 

When I finally found him, I could not help but stare at him open-mouthed. He looked completely different from the guy I had talked to a few weeks ago. Not only were his glasses gone, but his hair was dyed brown and cut in a new style that made it fall nicely around his face, accentuating that really, he was more handsome than I could have ever guessed. He had changed his school uniform to jeans, a white T-Shirt and a black vest above and was laughing with a bunch of other guys as they strolled out of the auditorium. 

He did not take note of me, and it took everything I had for me to approach him, my hands balled into fists to keep them from shaking and my voice unsteady as I finally opened my mouth. 

“Nakajima?” 

Nakajima frowned at the sound of his name, looking up in confusion - and freezing as he his eyes fell on my face. They turned wide, and there was a trace of fear in them, which I kinda knew was reflected in my own. 

“Hey” I said quietly, taking another step towards him until we were face to face. Nakajima was just staring at me, and for a moment I wondered if he was even breathing, but then one of his friends spoke up, breaking him out of his trance.

“A friend?” 

“Not exactly” Nakajima murmured, eyeing me warily, and it made me gulp. “What are you doing here, Kikuchi?”

“I was searching for you” I said quietly, clearing my throat to steady my voice a little. “I want to talk to you. Do you have a minute?”

“Why?” Nakajima asked, and his voice was harsher than I had expected, and it made me gulp again. 

“Do you… really want me to say that here? In front of other people?” I checked, and Nakajima sighed, his jaw set. 

He turned to his friends and told them to go ahead to the canteen without him, and that he would see them tomorrow. They nodded and waved at him before they left, and only then Nakajima caught my eyes again.

“There is a cafe downstairs, and it should be opened until five or so. We can talk there.”

I knew that it was already half past four, and his message was clear to me as he started walking, not looking back if to see if I was catching up or not - this was all that I would get, these few minutes to explain myself. I was thankful that he was ready to listen to me at all, but it also made me nervous, because everything, from the way he was barely looking at me to the latte macchiato he was ordering being “to go”, showed me how ready he was to leave again should I say something wrong, and I did not trust myself to not make a mistake. I had never _not_ made a mistake before in the important situations. 

Nakajima was staring at his cup after we had sat down, still not looking at me, and I took in his face, his full lips and the soft lines of his cheekbones, before blurting out: “You look so different.”

Nakajima just raised his eyebrows, and I added: “I mean, your hair and your glasses, and… you look…”

“Less invisible?” Nakajima suggested, sharp eyes finally finding mine. “After what you said to me… let’s say it made ‘click’ in my head. I meant it when I said I wanted to change. And no one here knew me, so it was easier, to leave my past self behind. There was no pressure, and I was finally able to find friends.”

“That’s nice” I said softly, honestly pleased to hear that, and Nakajima rolled his eyes. 

“Seriously, why are you here?” he demanded. 

I licked my lips in nervousness, fumbling for words. 

“What you said to me on the last school day… it changed me, too.” I said slowly, unable to look at him. “I was thinking a lot about it in the last few weeks. And I wanted to apologize.”

Nakajima said nothing, just taking a sip of his drink, letting me continue. 

“I had no idea how I was behaving until you told me so clearly, and now, thinking back… You were right, and I don’t really like the person I became. I was doing nothing but hurting people, and what I said to you… it was horrible and I am really sorry. I wished I could take it back.”

“But you can’t, and I am not sure I want you to” Nakajima shrugged. “Because if you hadn’t, I would have probably never moved on.” 

I gulped at his words, and my voice was shaking as I admitted: “That’s the thing, though… Maybe I don’t want you to move on. Not from me, at least.”

Nakajima looked at me incredulous, and I added, almost in a whisper: “I could not stop thinking about you ever since, Nakajima, and seeing you again now… I really feel like I need to get to know you better. Like you are supposed to be a part of my life. So please, if we could just start this thing over, I would be-”

“What kind of game is this?!” Nakajima demanded, his voice angry. “Who are you betting with?! Is there someone filming us?!”

“What?” I blinked. “No! I am serious, Nakajima!”

“Stop kidding me!” he snapped. “You want to tell me that, what, I opened your eyes and suddenly you are in love with me?! As if I would be stupid enough to believe that!”

“I know it makes no sense… I don’t even understand it myself” I murmured, but Nakajima just snorted, getting up without looking at me. “Nakajima, please wait!”

“I need to get home” he said coldly, turning his back to me.

“I will come again!” I called. “Every week, if I have to, until you’ll believe me that I am serious!”

“Must be one hell of an amount you are betting for” Nakajima murmured. 

“This is not about money!” I argued. “This is about me finally being serious about something, and I refuse to give it up just like that and regret it forever!”

Nakajima just shook his head and started walking away, not even looking back at me. 

“I will come again!” I called after him. “You will see!”

There was no reaction from him, and it hurt, to be rejected this openly, feeling for the first time what I had caused him only a few weeks ago. But still, I was determined to not give up. Nakajima had been the one to like me in the first place, and I would make him like me again, no matter how long it would take me. 

***

My classmates started becoming suspicious, asking me where I disappeared to every Wednesday afternoon, if I was dating someone again and why I would not tell them about her how I usually did, but I never gave them an answer. I knew that, even if I told them about Nakajima, they would not understand, and maybe try to talk me out of it, and I was too stubborn to just give up.

Yasui was sending me messages every now and then, asking me if I had had any success, and I kept telling him that I was working on it. 

I kept going to Nakajima’s university every Wednesday afternoon, but he kept pointedly ignoring me. He just walked past me every time, though his confused friends were trying to hold him back, apparently not understanding what was going on and taking pity in me. Then, on the fourth week, one of them, a guy named Yuma, stayed behind to talk to me. 

“Kento-Kun didn’t want to tell us much about you, he just said that he knew you from high school and that you were an arrogant jerk and he didn’t want anything to do with you anymore” he said apologetically. “So I am sorry to break this to you, but I think that even if you keep coming here, it will be no use.”

“I don’t care” I told him. “I am not going to give up.”

And I didn’t, even when Nakajima kept ignoring me for the next few weeks as well, no matter if I approached him or called his name or just waited silently at the wall opposite of the door for him. 

It was almost two months after my first visit that Nakajima’s other friend pressed a piece of paper into my hand and left without a word. I looked after him in confusion before unfolding it and reading. It was an address in the same part of the city I was living in, and a little note scribbled underneath. 

_This is Kento-Kun’s address. Don’t tell him that you got it from me. -- Yugo_

I had to smile, not being able to recall when I had last been this thankful to anyone. 

***

“Why are you here?!” Nakajima demanded the next day when I was waiting on a bench in front of his apartment complex. “How do you know where I live?!”

I just shrugged, standing up to walk towards him, and Nakajima shook his head incredulous.

“And you were calling _me_ a creep!”

“I told you I am not going to give up until you believe me that I am serious” I said simply. “I can still play this game for another few months, you know.”

“You are really stubborn” Nakajima noted, and I had to smile. 

“It’s my best feature.”

Nakajima snorted, shaking his head. 

“Why are you doing this?” he asked, sounding tired, suddenly. 

“I told you, because I can’t forget about you.”

“What do you want from me?” Nakajima insisted. “What do you hope for by doing this?”

“I am not sure” I admitted. “Maybe a date? To spend time with you, and to get to know you better. A chance to change your opinion about me.”

Nakajima took a deep breath and finally asked, very quietly: “If I go out with you one time, will you leave me alone afterwards?”

“If you spend a whole day with me” I said slowly. “And don’t ignore me throughout it.”

“A whole day as in lunch and dinner?” he checked. 

“Yes” I nodded. 

“Fine, then pick me up at 11 on Saturday” he sighed, his voice resigned. “I’ll go along with whatever you plan, and that is all the chance you will get to change my mind. And if I tell you to leave me alone afterwards, you will, without discussion!” 

“Okay” I promised, smiling despite myself. “Thank you, really.”

Nakajima just rolled his eyes and pushed past me without another word, but I did not mind. I had finally gotten what I wanted, and I was not going to waste my chance this time. 

***

Thinking up a proper date with Nakajima was harder than I had thought it would be. I didn’t know much about what he liked and disliked, and Yasui’s vague tips were not very helpful, aside from pointing out how different the two of us were. 

I did not let it discourage me - the purpose of this date was to get to know him better anyways. 

I ended up choosing the one dating spot my ex-girlfriends had always chewed my head off about and I had always refused to pay for. 

“Disney Sea?!” Nakajima asked incredulous as I picked him up on Saturday, introducing him into my plans. “Are you serious?!”

“It was either that or shopping in Odaiba” I said awkwardly. “Don’t look at me, I have only dated girls until now.”

Nakajima snorted, shaking his head in wonder.

“You are really putting effort into this, aren’t you?”

“This is my last chance to show you that I am serious” I frowned. “Of course I do.”

“So, how many girls did you already successfully soften up with Disney Sea?” he checked lazily.

“None!” I said indignantly.

“Disney Land?” 

“None, I said!” I groaned, rolling my eyes. “I never put that much effort into my past dates. I told you, usually it was the girls chasing after me. This is the first time I am trying to woo someone.”

“And for that, you pick the creepy freak whose heart you trampled on when he confessed” Nakajima raised his eyebrows. “I see.”

“I told you I am sorry about that” I murmured. “How long are you going to make me pay for it?”

“Don’t you understand why I have trouble believing you?” Nakajima asked seriously. “I just don’t understand why it suddenly has to be me, out of all people. You have tons of girls that would kill to date you, and you never seemed to have any interest in other guys.”

“I didn’t” I nodded. “But you are different.”

“Why?” Nakajima prodded.

“I don’t know” I frowned. “Maybe because of what you said to me. It just… it hit deep. You are the first person who managed to make me over think my own behavior, and before I knew it… All I kept thinking about was you.”

Nakajima fell silent at that, and it took some effort for me to reach out for his hand. Nakajima jerked at my touch, but I did not let him escape as I entwined our fingers, mustering his hand in mine curiously.

“You have beautiful fingers” I noted in surprise, running curious fingertips of my free hand over his knuckles. “I never noticed.”

“You can’t lull me in with lines like these” Nakajima warned, but he had to clear his throat because his voice was kind of unsteady. “I am not that easy.”

“Have I ever been known for sprouting sweet words out of nothing?” I chuckled. “Whoever has spread that rumor has never dated me.”

Nakajima looked like he wanted to return something, but then the train came to a halt, and I tugged at his hand. 

“We need to get out, or do you want to spend the day driving in circles in this train?!”

Nakajima snorted, but followed me without any resistance, and it was enough for now. 

Thanks to the tickets I had bought beforehand at the convenience store we did not have to wait for long, and as soon as we were inside, Nakajima seemed to have forgotten his reservations at least a little, too distracted by what was happening around us. 

“Wow, it’s so beautiful here” he exclaimed as we stopped at a railing near the artificial bay, taking a moment to overlook the landscape. “I always wanted to go but I never had anyone to go with me…”

“I’m glad, then” I smiled, happy to observe the sparkle in his eyes and the honest smile tugging on his lips. He looked breathtaking when he smiled. I wished I had realized it before. 

With a sideways look at me, though, Nakajima’s smile died down, as if remembering that he was not supposed to enjoy himself at my side. and I pouted. 

“Don’t switch moods like that!” I accused. “That’s not fair!”

“So, where do you want to go?” Nakajima asked simply, making Fuma sigh. 

“How about we are having lunch first? There is a curry place in the arabic landscape, or an italian here around the corner… And I read something about sandwiches near the american one.”

“Sandwiches sounds good for lunch” Nakajima nodded. “You are paying, aren’t you?”

“One wouldn’t believe I am the kohai” I snorted, and Nakajima grinned despite himself. 

“You said you were trying to woo me” he reminded me. “And I am easily influenced with food.”

“Good to know” I grinned, poking him into the side playfully before starting to walk into the general direction of the sandwich restaurant I had seen on the map. 

We found it without bigger problems, and after we had ordered and found a free table, Nakajima really seemed more relaxed, as I was glad to see. It was probably the first common point I had found between us - our weakness for food. 

I tried to chat him up as we ate, because at least I had confidence in my ability to make conversation, and I managed to make Nakajima talk a little about his studies and why he had chosen them in the first place. I had known that he was intelligent, of course, but I liked the way he expressed his opinions and sometimes got caught up in tiny details while he talked, excitement overtaking him, finding myself hanging on his lips. Every now and then, Nakajima held in, as if remembering that he was supposed to be careful around me, but I quickly threw another question at him every time that happened, making him forget about his suspicions again. 

After we had eaten, we began strolling around the amusement park, first having a look at all the areas and just talking. None of the rides were especially exciting, seeing that they were build to be suitable for kids as well, but the scenery was really pretty, and I soon began to understand that Nakajima was really as big of a child as I was, so we were easily swept away by excitement. 

I took his hand again when we were standing in line for the Indiana Jones ride, making him hold in throughout his monologue about the last movie, looking at our joined hands silently. 

“You want me to let go?” I checked. 

“I don’t know anymore” Nakajima murmured. “I never imagined that it could be like this with you, and now I just… don’t know what to think anymore.”

“How about you just stop thinking and let it happen?” I suggested. 

“The last time I stopped thinking around you, I confessed and you broke my heart” Nakajima noted.

“I am not going to do that again” I promised.

“I don’t know how to trust you though” Nakajima whispered. “It’s going too well. There’s gotta be a punchline.”

I sighed deeply and leaned back against the wall behind me. 

“Man, I really fucked up, didn’t I?” I murmured quietly. “You don’t know how much I wished I could take everything back. But on the other hand… you would not be who you are now if things wouldn’t have happened the way they did, and I like who you are now pretty much, so…” I squeezed his hand. “I just wished I could finally tear down this wall between us. Please tell me what to do.”

“I don’t know” Nakajima murmured. “I really don’t.”

A silence fell between us, that was only broken when the line moved and Nakajima let go of my hand to follow the people in front of us. 

“I still won’t give up” I promised him silently. “I will make you love me again.”

“I don’t think the problem is if I love you or not” Nakajima admitted with a sad smile. “I always had a weakness for you, though I never quite understood why.”

His words made me feel warm inside, and I smiled softly at him. 

“I can work with that” I returned, and Kento snorted. 

***

I tried to keep our conversations far away from feelings and any dangerous topics after that, and it seemed to work well enough. Nakajima seemed to honestly enjoy himself as we made our way through the amusement park, and even though I felt we spent more time eating than actually taking rides (all on my costs, of course - I would be broke for the next few months after this day), I felt like this date had seriously been a success. 

The atmosphere changed as the sun set, illuminating the park with millions of small lights, making it even more fascinating. Our conversations became slower the darker it became, with us being too fascinated by everything happening around us to find the focus to talk, but it was a comfortable silence.

At some point, we just sat down on a bench in the arabic landscape, and while Nakajima’s eyes were on the scenery, mine were on him. 

I was aware that it was already way past dinner time, but still, Nakajima had not asked to leave yet, had not reminded me of my promise to leave him alone after today, and it made me hope that maybe, despite everything that had happened, I still had a chance to make this thing between us work. 

To me, it seemed like the more time I spent with Nakajima, the deeper I fell in love with him, and I was sure by now that I wanted to be with him. That I was ready to get rid of everything I had been before I met him, my sexuality, my reputation, just to be able to have him by my side. 

But the surer I became of my own feelings, the more I grew scared of him rejecting me, in the end. I was not sure how I would be able to stand it, being told to stay away from him now, after I had seen how it could be between us. 

I did not want to lose him again. 

It was this thought that had me reaching out for him. Nakajima froze when my fingers brushed his cheekbone, cupping his face, but he did not push me away either, so I leaned in, crossing the last bit of distance between us until my lips met his. 

It was by far not my first kiss, but it could have as well been, with the feelings it ignited inside of me. It was like my love for this boy enveloped me from inside out and killed every other thought, everything that was not about him, and I wanted to laugh and cry, both at the same time because it felt so amazing. Nakajima’s lips were soft and he was melting against me, his hand on my arm as he kissed me back, less passive than most of the girls I had kissed but still leaving the lead to me, and though it was innocent, no more than lips brushing against each other again and again, it was so intense I found it hard to breathe. 

When I pulled away, I was panting for air, and Nakajima was squeezing his fingers around my arm. 

“Don’t do this” he whispered, his eyes still closed. “Don’t kiss me like this.”

“Like what?” I enquired.

“So softly” he murmured. “Like I am the most precious thing to you. I don’t know what to do when you make me feel like that.”

I gulped and leaned in to brush my lips against his cheekbone. My heart was racing and every nerve in my body was rebelling against what I was going to say now, but I knew there was no way around it.

“I love you” I breathed. “I don’t know why and how, I just know that I do, and with every moment I spend with you, I want to let you go less. So please stop fighting me. Please don’t tell me to leave. I don’t think I can take it if you do.”

He took a shaky breath, and I leaned up to kiss his temple, nuzzling it before continuing: “Please, Kento. What else do I have to do to make you believe I am serious?”

He did not answer, just shuddering at the sound of his first name, and I reached down to take his hand, guiding it until it was pressed against my chest and he was able to feel my racing heartbeat. It made him catch my eyes, and the emotions in them showed like shards of a kaleidoscope, sharp and clear and not blurred through the tears hanging on his eyelids. 

“Please, don’t push me away anymore” I begged. “Let me be with you.”

When the first tear fell, it reminded me of that time I had seen him cry through the library window, only it hurt tenfold, and I quickly reached out to wipe the drop away with my fingertips.

“I hate you” he breathed. “I was so dead set on never letting you get close to me again. Why are you doing this now?! I moved on. I had finally grown stronger. And now-”

“I don’t want to make you weak” I whispered. “I am not trying to tear you down and make you fall. Stop thinking of me like that. It’s more like… I want to be your strength? If you let me.”

Kento let out a soft sob, and I leaned in to kiss him again, hoping that my caresses could heal all the wounds I had caused in the past, and dry all the tears in his eyes. 

When I pulled away again, Kento’s eyes were not dry, but at least no more tears were falling, and I counted that as a small success. 

“I swear” Kento whispered. “This is the only chance you will only get from me ever again, and if you mess it up, I am gone forever.”

“I know” I ensured him. 

“I am effort” he pointed out. “I want sweet words and kisses and dates and-”

“Everything you want” I smiled. “But no expensive dates anymore because I am broke.”

That made Kento laugh, and I hugged him as tightly as I could, realization finally sinking in that he was actually accepting me. 

“Fuma” he whispered. “You are shaking.”

I just held onto him tighter, not answering, and thankfully, Kento let it drop, and just hugged me back.

***

When we finally left the park, it was already 10am and closing time, and Kento kept making jokes about getting into trouble for being seen out this late with a high schooler. I just snorted and kept finding inconspicuous ways to touch him, brushing our fingers together or splaying my palm on his thigh, making Kento smile at me in a beautiful way. I found it addicting. 

I insisted on taking him home, no matter how often Kento reminded me that I was not dating girls anymore and that he was in fact older and there was no need whatsoever to play the protector, but really, both of us knew that it was just an excuse to spend more time with him, and Kento did not seem to complain. 

In the contrary - he seemed to be enjoying every bit of attention I gave to him, and I realized what it must feel like for him, after all this time he had crushed on me from afar. It made me want to spoil him rotten in a way that would have probably made all my ex-girlfriends speechless in jealousy. 

I kissed him goodnight in front of his apartment complex, long and deep and lingering, drawing it out as long as I could, and when Kento whispered an invitation to stay for the night against my lips, I had not counted on it, but all sense for decency and logic was blown away with Kento shivering in my arms, and I ended up agreeing. 

Kento’s parents were already asleep, thankfully, and he instructed me to be quiet as we got out of our shoes and made our way down the hallway. Kento’s hand was in mine, leading me through the darkness until we reached his room, opening the door and finally turning on the light, blinding me with it for a moment. 

I only had a few seconds to take in the room, my eyes hanging on a small electrical piano in the corner, before Kento distracted me by kissing my lips softly. 

“Make yourself comfortable, I’ll be right back” he murmured, smiling at me before pushing past me and leaving the room again. 

I used the opportunity to throw a short look at my phone, flinching at the 3 missed calls from my mother. I quickly typed a message to her that I would spend the night at Juri’s place, hoping dearly that she would not call there to confirm, and just when I had turned my phone off, Kento came back with a bottle of water. He smiled at me as he placed it on the bedside table, before looking at the cupboard in contemplation. 

“Shall I lend you some of my clothes to sleep in? I think I have-”

“I don’t care about that now, Kento” I chuckled, fingers closing around his wrist and pulling him into me. 

Kento moaned softly as I kissed him again, this time deepening the kiss, chasing his tongue through his mouth with mine, and Kento clung to me tightly in response, panting for air as I pulled back to look at him. 

“You should know” Kento whispered, slightly flushed now, and it reminded me a little of the fumbling guy in the library, making me smile. “I’ve never been with anyone else before. I mean… what I want to say is…”

“Don’t think about it” I interrupted him. “This is new for me as well.” And it was true, because even if I had been with girls before, I had never slept with a guy, and none of my ex-partners had meant as much to me as Kento did. It tilted everything into a different focus, and made it new and intense and so much more meaningful. 

I reached out to brush Kento’s hair out of his face, regarding him for a moment, his full lips, slightly plushed up from kissing, his expressive eyes, the blush on his cheeks and the little mole on his nose, and the one just below his jaw line, and others sprinkled over his neck and disappearing under the collar of the shirt, making me want to chase them with my tongue. 

Kento’s hands were fisting my shirt, and he seemed to have a hard time not to squirm under my gaze, so I leaned in to catch his lips again, kissing him so slowly and softly that I could feel the tension drip from his body until he wrapped his arms around my shoulder, deepening our kiss again. 

Kento was kissing the way he did everything else, first tentatively, then determined and a tiny bit over excited, but I embraced that, left the lead to him for a while and moaning softly as he ran his tongue against mine, making me feel all shivery in growing need. 

Kento jerked when my fingertips found the way under his shirt, and I pulled away to look at him questioningly, but he just gulped and nodded in permission, finding my lips again hastily. 

The skin of Kento’s stomach was soft and warm and it felt nice to run my palm over it. His body was different from a girl’s, the lines sharper and the edges harder, but it was enticing, intriguing, and I could not stop touching him, exploring every inch of his skin I could reach, making him shudder in response. 

I was soon able to distinguish the spots that felt good to him, like the dips of his collarbones and fingers running down his spine, and I exploited it shamelessly, pleased about every little sound I was able to squeeze out of his throat. 

We only broke our kiss again when Kento pulled at the hem of my shirt, and I stepped back to hastily get rid of it, reaching for Kento’s shirt next. I found his hand when he had blinked the hair out of his eyes, leading him to the bed, but Kento resisted, hesitantly letting go and, with an embarrassed smile at me, crossed the room again. 

I frowned when suddenly, the light was cut, and Kento was back at my side, gently pushing me onto the mattress. 

“I can’t see you like this” I complained, gasping when Kento’s body settled above me, the naked skin of his torso brushing against mine. 

“Yeah, I feel safer that way” Kento admitted sheepishly, and I whined in protest, but stopped struggling when Kento’s lips found mine again, and his hands my sides. I kept clinging to his hips as Kento took his time touching me, curious fingers playing with the hair line from my belly button down to waistband of my pants, my belly button, and finally circling my nipples. 

A strangled sound escaped my lips and I arched my back slightly, pressing our hips together and feeling Kento’s clothed erection against mine, making both of us moan in response. 

I unclenched my fingers from his hips and started to unbutton his jeans, making him sit up a little so he could kick them off. 

I used the opportunity to reach out for his bedside table, switching on the little lamp I had spotted there earlier, making Kento blink at me owlishly.

“I want to _see_ you” I pointed out sheepishly, running teasing fingers over his stomach, making him sigh in defeat. My fingers dropped lower, drawing little circles on the obvious bulge in Kento’s boxer briefs, and Kento shuddered visibly at my touch. 

He leaned down to kiss my throat, softly dragging his lips down my chest until the closed around my nipple again. I closed my eyes when he began to suck at it softly, his right hand coming up to prod the neglected one, making an unexpected pleasure shoot through me that went right to my cock. 

I retaliated by slipping my hand into Kento’s underwear, fingers curling around the hot, hard flesh inside, and Kento gasped against my skin. 

I began to pump him gently, trying to get used to the feeling of another’s erection in my hand. It was not weird, not exactly, but different. With girls, the lines had always been blurry and washed out for me, and it had always made me second guess and tense around them even in the most intimate moments. With Kento, it was easier, because I could feel the proof of his arousal right there in my palm, and I had a better idea of what to do with him. 

“Kento?” I murmured breathlessly, making him look up at me. “Do you have anything here? Like condoms or lube…”

Kento was blushing again and averting his eyes as he mumbled: “Under my bed. It’s only freshman giveaways from university, but I think it will do.”

I nodded, reaching out and searching until my fingers closed around a small paper bag under the bed, pulling it up and opening it. There was tons of other stuff in it as well, mostly flyers and instant noodles and shampoo, but on the bottom, I quickly spotted a single condom, and a tiny bottle of lube. 

I quickly retrieved it and stuffed the bag back underneath the bed, and Kento sat up again, finally unbuttoning my pants. There was some fumbling until finally both of us had gotten rid of our remaining clothes, and I gestured for Kento to settle back in his former position, straddling my thighs. 

Kento’s hands were shaking slightly as he settled them on my waist, trying to find balance, and I brushed the hair out of his face, catching his eyes.

“Tell me when you become uncomfortable” I whispered. “We can stop anytime. I am not going to push you to do anything.”

“I don’t like how you’re the Senpai in this scenario” Kento mumbled, and it made me chuckle. 

I sat up and caught his lips again, kissing him slowly and leisurely, hoping to erase all his nervousness with it, but Kento still tensed in my arms as I popped open the cap of the lube, pouring some of it into my palm and slicking my fingers with it. 

“Can we please cut the light?” he begged. 

“No” I said simply, nibbling on his earlobe. 

“But-” Kento began to protest, cutting himself off with a gasp as I gently spread his butt cheeks, letting my fingers trace the cleft between them. 

“Hm?” I enquired with a smile, licking the shell of his ear and circling his rim as I did, feeling the shudder rake through Kento’s whole body. 

Kento did not answer, just wrapping his arms around my waist and pressing his face into my shoulder, and I gently kissed the top of his head and I carefully prodded with my fingers. 

This part was different from anything I was used to, and it made me proceed with care, afraid of hurting Kento in any way. 

Kento was tensed as I prepared him, and it made me weirdly insecure, made me long for any kind of reaction that would lead me the way, but after a while, Kento searched my lips, kissing me again, softly and without any deepness, and that made it easier, somehow, made Kento relax a little so that I could spread my fingers inside of him, move them more freely. 

We took our time, and after a while, Kento’s fingers found my own erection, stroking me the way I had touched him earlier, too slow to really get me off but enough to make it hard to think straight.

I curled my fingers in response, and Kento jerked, and I would have almost thought that I had hurt him if not for the moan that followed. I looked up at his face, the way his eyes had fallen closed and his lips were slightly parted, wet and kiss-swollen, and it was the most erotic thing I had ever seen in my life. 

“Here?” I whispered, trying to find the spot again, delighted when Kento moaned loudly in response, clasping a hand over his mouth to keep his voice down. 

“Fuma, please” he whispered finally. “It’s enough. Just-”

“You sure?” I checked, and Kento nodded vehemently, making me slip my fingers out of him. 

Kento was the one reaching for condom next to us on the bed, tearing the wrapping with shaky fingers and rolling it over my shaft, then getting the lube and slicking it. I fisted the sheets underneath me desperately at his touch and waited patiently for him to shift so that he was straddling my hips, holding himself up with his knees on the mattress and his hands on my shoulders.

“Okay?” I checked, and he nodded, kissing me again. I positioned myself against his entrance and wrapped my arms around his waist, holding onto him tightly as he started to lower himself. 

Kento was still tight around me, his muscles fighting the intrusion frantically, and both of us were shaking as we tried to keep the kiss going through our rapid breathing, making it messy and uncontrolled but an irreplaceable form of intimacy, in this unfamiliar situation. 

When Kento was fully seated in my lap, he pulled away to look into my eyes, the soft brown almost completely swallowed by his dark pupils, and it made me jerk my hips unconsciously. 

Kento moaned at the friction, nails digging into my skin but I didn’t mind, just held onto him more tightly and thrust into him again. 

Kento just clung to me at first, moaning breathlessly as I moved into him, but then, he slowly started to lift himself onto his knees again for leverage to be able to join my rhythm.

It was mindblowing, and I had never known sex could feel like this, not only physical but also emotional, the sensation clinging around my heart so tightly that I forgot everything around me but the way Kento felt against me. 

Kento was searching my lips again and I tried to focus on the kiss but everything was just so intense and overwhelming. I felt myself losing control, my rhythm faltering as I picked up speed, and Kento shakily found my hand, leading it down to touch his shaft. 

I closed my fingers around it and Kento whined against my lips, pulling away to press his face into my neck. I could tell that he was as close as I was, so I tried to concentrate on pumping him in time with my thrusts, fueled on by Kento shaking against me, and with a deep groan, he came, spurting over my fingers and both of our stomachs. 

He tightened around me in response, and it pulled me over the edge right after him, his name on my lips as I kept thrusting into him through both our orgasms until we were spent and exhausted, clinging to each other for dear life. 

I only came back to myself again when Kento whispered, barely audible: “I love you”, and I needed to blink against the sudden tears that welled up in my eyes.

“I love you, too” I breathed, holding onto him tightly, and Kento gently sifted his fingers through my hair.

***

We were woken up the next morning by Kento’s mother storming into the room to ask her son for his dirty clothes, and walking straight out again after taking note of the naked unknown boy under the covers with him. 

It was an embarrassing encounter, to say the very least, and I had never felt as awkward with anyone at the breakfast table, but when Kento kissed me goodbye at the door, he promised that his mother would get over the shock eventually. 

Arriving home was no better. My mother was waiting for me in the living room, announcing to me that she had met Juri’s mother earlier while grocery shopping and had been met with confusion to her questions about me. 

“Who is she?!” she demanded, and I sighed deeply, looking warily at my little sister playing with her plushies in the corner and my brother with his game console on the couch. “I really thought you had stopped flirting around lately, and I wouldn’t care much but I am kind of scared of having a pregnant girl at my doorstep one of these days!”

“Won’t happen” I snorted, and when she opened her mouth to protest, I brought out in defeat: “It’s no girl, okay?!”

“Oh” My mother frowned, before her eyes widened in understanding. It took another hour of explanations and reassurances that I was really, honestly serious with Kento and that yes, I would bring him over one of these days, before she finally let me go up to my room again. 

When I arrived at school the next morning, Juri, Shoki and Hokuto were hovering over my desk already, looking up at me with expressions that clearly shouted “no more excuses”, asking, all at the same time: “Who is she?!”

It was the most awkward conversation I had ever had, including the ones with my _and_ Kento’s mother, because they just could not seem to understand how I, of all people, had ended up falling in love with a guy, and someone like underdog Nakajima Kento.

“I thought you found him creepy!” Shoki called accusingly. “Wasn’t he stalking you?!”

“He was not” I said indignantly, wondering what would be the word for what I had been doing this past few months if Kento was already considered a stalker.

“So that’s where you’ve been every Wednesday?” Hokuto checked in confusion. “You have been meeting Nakajima?”

“... Something like that…” I said slowly, getting even more curious looks at that answer. “It’s a long story, but fact is, I am serious about him.”

“... If your ex-girlfriends hear this, it will be a feast for them…” Shoki murmured.

“It kind of makes sense, though” Juri frowned. “Why you could never develop any feelings for them, I mean. You were just gay and none of us realized.”

“Can you please stop analyzing my love life?!” I whined. “This is seriously embarrassing!”

“That’s what you get for keeping quiet for what, 3 months?” Hokuto shrugged, and Shoki nodded, making me sigh in desperation. 

To top it all off, Yasui turned up after class, wanting to hear the full story about how my date had gone, and I felt like going out of my mind about the attention I did not want. 

We ended up going for dinner together, but when we entered the pizzeria in the neighborhood, I quickly spotted a familiar figure sitting at a table across the room with two other guys, and the sight made me forget about my annoying friends immediately.

“Just a moment” I grinned at them before crossing the room. Yugo and Yuma spotted me in time and started grinning, but Kento had his back to me and did not take note of me until I had slung my arms around his shoulders, making him jerk.

“Wow, he perfected his stalking abilities” Yugo noted, and I stuck out a tongue at him childishly before grinning at Kento.

“What are you doing here?!” Kento laughed, and I just shrugged. 

“I came here with the guys, I swear it what a coincidence!”

“Sure” Kento said sarcastically, but looking around nevertheless to find the others. “Oh, Yasui, long time no see!”

“Nakajima?!” Yasui blinked, staring at him. “Wow, I almost didn’t recognize you! You look good!”

“Thanks” Kento grinned in embarrassment, and I glared at Hokuto and Shoki as they were staring open mouthed and whispering. 

“That explains things” Juri nodded, and I let go of Kento to kick him. 

Yugo went ahead to invite us to their table, and before we knew it, our friends were starting to exchange stories about us, making the two of us flee to the drink bar to escape.

“That was a mistake, I think” Kento sighed, eyeing the group on the other side of the room warily.

“‘Mistake’ is an understatement” I sighed. “Those guys are the most meddling idiots I have ever seen, and to be honest, your friends are not much better.”

Kento frowned, considering my words, before murmuring: “The address…” and glaring into their direction.

“I said nothing” I shrugged, and Kento snorted. 

“They are lucky you didn’t murder me or anything” he groaned. 

“Do I look like a mass murderer?!” I laughed, suddenly remembering that I had said something similar about Kento, in the beginning. “Man, we are so fucked up.”

“I guess we suit each other, after all” Kento chuckled, entwining our fingers, and I squeezed his hand, ignoring the cat calls from across the room. 


End file.
